It’s all very well to talk about why copywriting is important to your marketing, but unless you’ve seen it, you may not appreciate what a difference good copy can make.

In the following example I’ve taken a client’s valiant attempt at a flyer* and made some changes.

I received this…

GIFTS THAT DELIVER – BY WRAPPED IN WA – EXCEED EXPECTATIONS

We offer a personalized service creating gift boxes and baskets to suit your individual needs. Trudy’s hand crafted Western Australian gourmet products & Sophie B’s bath products are exclusive to us.

The picture of happiness on a face of someone that receives a gift is worth a thousand words. Simply contact us to arrange a gift to suit your budget.

Hampers start from $30.00 without wine, personal bath packs start from $10.00 plus delivery.

We pride ourselves in creating individual and corporate gifts with a difference. Gifts can be made to suit all occasions including birthdays, Mother’s day, Father’s Day, saying thank you and Christmas.

Each gift box or basket ordered is shrink wrapped in clear cellophane, sealed with a ribbon and bow and you receive a FREE hand made card for your message.

Our commitment is to provide gifts that deliver that are different, creative, caring, high quality, unforgettable and have an attitude…

To place orders contact Sally on 0402 795 925 or email to sallyv@ozemail.com

And turned it into this…

Gifts that deliver – by Wrapped in WA

Watching someone receiving a gift is one of life’s great joys. And never more so than when that gift has been made with care and attention.

At Wrapped in WA we create individual and corporate gifts with a difference. Our gift boxes and baskets are tailored to suit any individual, any budget and any occasion.

With exclusive access to Trudy’s fresh WA-made gourmet delights and handcrafted natural body products by Sophie B, we have many ways for you to say “thank you”, “happy birthday” or “I love you”.

Our gift boxes and baskets are shrink-wrapped for freshness, sealed with a ribbon and bow, and finished with a handmade card with your special message.

With hampers starting from only $30, it’s an affordable way to surprise someone for Christmas, Valentines, Mother’s or Father’s Day.

We’re committed to providing you with a quality gift that shows you care. A gift that’s creative and unforgettable. A gift that delivers.

To place your order, please contact Sally on 0402 795 925 or send an email to sallyv@ozemail.com

See the difference?

Basically the same information, but it flows a lot better. And it sounds more compelling.
Which one would you respond to?

*Business and product names have been changed to protect anonymity.